The simple words of my grandfather

Since 2020, I’ve been bedridden due to a serious chronic illness. When nothing helps over the course of years and your condition keeps worsening, all kinds of questions can arise: ‘Why am I still sick? Why do others heal but not me? Do I not have enough faith? Do I not pray enough?’

These are questions I believe are legitimate and worth asking. They sometimes surface in me too but they don’t hold a major place in my life.

Mostly, my prayer is: ‘Father, stay close to me. Let me feel that I am safe with You, whether I recover or not. Let Your will be done in my life.’

Yet through the questions from people around me about prayer and healing because they so dearly wish for me to live fully again—I started to feel uncertain. I began to wonder whether I should be praying more fervently for healing.

So I dove deeper into the topic of prayer healing. The result, however, was a rising inner turmoil. I felt stressed as I heard Christians firmly declare that the Bible clearly says God wants to heal us here and now: ‘Jesus bore our sicknesses, and by His stripes, we are healed’ (Isaiah 53).

‘You must stand on these words. Point them out to God. He must do what He has promised,’ I read. The more I absorbed, the more static seemed to build and it felt like God was slipping further away. I became deeply unsettled and confused.

Until I remembered the words of my grandfather words from long ago that I have never forgotten: ‘Rietje, always stay close behind Jesus!’ When I thought of those simple words, peace returned to me. All the turmoil about prayer healing and whether I had enough faith dissolved.

In de rust van deze woorden komt God heel nabij en laat Hij mij steeds weer zien dat ik Zijn kind ben en dat Hij als een Vader voor mij zorgt en zal blijven zorgen.